I’ve heard ( and even met a few people) who were embarrassed to admit that they had met their significant others on Match.com. Well, I am here to say proudly that I met my fiancee on Match and I’m grateful for it, because otherwise I most likely would’ve never crossed paths with him!
The way I met my fiancee on Match is not the norm. I signed up after the urging of a co-worker to get off all of the free sites. Nick was the first and only guy I met and it was an instant spark. It sounds like a fairytale and don’t get me wrong, it totally was (and still is) but it wasn’t THAT easy.
I had been on Match previously a few years before with zero luck. The most successful date I had via Match that round (I was on it once previously as well) was with a guy who proceeded to tell me on our first date that he wanted to be dominated. Not like whips and chains, but like treated like a “house boy” (his words, not mine) and given chores and demoralized. UMMM BYE!
In my mind using a dating website like Match (like real dating) is all about timing. If you aren’t on the site or a member of the site at right moment you are going to meet the same weirdos that you would on a free dating site or in a bar. However, there is a way to help navigate through some of it and this applies to all dating websites (not apps) not just Match.
- Be honest with your pictures! The point of a dating website is to actually meet someone in person right? Eventually they are going to find out that you are 5 years older or 15 pounds heavier, so be honest with your pictures. You would be disappointed if you were talking to someone who you thought looked like a clean cut gentleman and showed up with a full beard and a ripped freebie t-shirt.
- Be honest with your description If you’re not into sports, don’t say you are or you may be going to a sports bar for a first date. Don’t say you spend your weekends doing charity work if you don’t. Be honest here. We all want to show our best selves, but theres a fine line between showcasing our best features and selves and being bullshitters.
- Look outside your normal geographic area My fiancee lives in New York City and I live in the suburbs. If I limited my search to my immediate area, I would have completely missed out!!! Set your search limits a bit outside of your normal comfort zone. However, don’t set your search too far if you aren’t willing to regularly travel some distance if you meet someone great.
- It’s ok for a female to initiate conversation The notion that a female should wait for a male to initiate is kind of outdated in my mind. I “winked” at my fiancee first on Match and that opened up the way for conversation. If you aren’t confident enough to fire off a message right off the bat, try the wink option at first.
- Start a conversation based on their profile/picture If you are going to initiate a conversation, try to do so based on a question to do with their profile or a picture. Ask about a trip they posted about or a quote. It shows that you actually read their profile instead of just generically messaging them.
- Set a time limit for chatting/texting My friend Bernie had a great rule- if after a week of talking they haven’t set a date it’s time to go. For some reason there seems to be this new breed of people who are content with just having someone to text. If that’s not what you’re looking for, set a time limit for communicating with someone. If there’s no solid plans to meet them within that time limit, it’s time for them to go.
- Take it all with a grain of salt Dating, whether online or “regular”, is just not normal nowadays. There’s a lot of dishonest people out there and a lot of game players as well. Chances are you will get “ghosted” on, chances are, you will see a profile of someone who you think is perfect and they won’t respond to your message and you may have to kiss a lot of frogs. But try to remember, don’t settle for anything less than butterflies and what you deserve.