You’ve decided to move in together! You picked the perfect spot! So you should just start packing right? Wrong!!
There’s a lot of conversations to have before you move in together. It’s important to work these things out prior to the move as it will definitely help to prevent a lot of stress and possibly even a lot of fights later on.
Here are some of the pre-move in convos I recommend having:
- Paying the bills- How is it going to work? Is it going to be an even split? Are you going to pay the rent, while he covers the rest of the utilities? These are important decisions to make prior to the first bills rolling in. Also, be honest about what you can afford!
- What you’re bringing, what he’s bringing- Imagine moving in together and you both brought a couch or you move in and see he packed that leather chair that you just hate. Prior to moving in it’s important to discuss what you’re bringing and also what you plan on getting rid of. Prior to moving in with my fiancee I had to get rid of SO much stuff that I couldn’t believe I accumulated over the years. It may be difficult, but also probably necessary.
- The new items you plan on buying- There might be a few new large items that you guys need to purchase. This is your chance to start crafting your living style as a couple. Do some shopping around and don’t break the budget
- Chores- This may sound like a ridiculous conversation for 2 adults to have, but a necessary one I think. One person cannot and should not clean an entire house or apartment all of the time. I’m not saying make a chore chart like from back in the day, but have a discussion.
- Routines- I’m sure you’ve had a lot of sleepovers, but sleepovers and living together are 2 totally different ideas. If you’re someone who falls asleep early or needs to make their own morning coffee or have 10 minutes to themselves after getting home let your significant other know ahead of time.
- “House rules”- Boys night in on a Thursday when you have work the next day? Having your sister over for Real Housewives every night? Your usual routine of having friends over all of the time or having your parents come over whenever they want is going to have to change. You have someone else to think about now.
What other conversations did you have before moving in with someone? Or did you skip the convos altogether?
The other day I was having a discussion at work with a friend of mine about how busy her schedule was. While I have never had a super busy social schedule I came to a realization a few years ago that has been very important to me. The power of saying no.
Saying no could be very liberating and very empowering. It could also be very freeing. Saying no to people or situations that would bring you stress, agitation or that you just don’t have time for is ok! In fact, I feel it is the ultimate act of self-care! So release the guilt of agreeing and just say no.
Don’t get me wrong- it’s not easy to just start saying no to people you would normally say yes to. At the beginning, the guilt of saying no is sometimes worse than what you were actually saying no to! However, with practice and time you will begin to feel the freedom of saying no and you will be more open to saying yes to experiences and people you actually want to give your time to!
The holidays can be a difficult time for some people, especially for anyone suffering from anxiety or any sort of emotional disorder. I for one usually enjoyed the holidays, but never really felt that they were my own. My parents separated when I was young and I never spent my holidays in one place- I bounced from location to location. It became my norm. So a lot of my holiday anxiety was centered around traveling or the worry that I was going to disappoint someone by not spending enough time at location A or location B or not being at one location at all.
This year I have decided to forgo all of that. My fiancée and I just moved into our own place and are going to begin to make our own holiday traditions and start our own family. I am going to allow myself to release the guilt and the burdens of family holiday stress and drama.
One of the reasons I was most excited to have a place of my own was to be able to stay in one central location for Thanksgiving and for Christmas, but even the last few years as I lived on my own I still bounced from parent to parent and from relative to relative. This year now that someone else is involved in my life, I made it a point to say this is OUR holiday, if anyone would like to join us they are more than welcome to do so.
Now, that comes with its own stress of hosting, but it’s a stress that as a former holiday nomad, I welcome with open arms. I am looking forward to making my own holiday traditions with my fiancée, my family and my soon to be family.
However, just because I think my holidays are coming together as I have always envisioned them doesn’t mean there won’t be some bumps along the way and some stress and anxiety that I will have to handle. So here are a few tips and tricks that I plan on utilizing in an effort to help keep myself as calm as possible.
Photo from istock
- Remember the reason for the holiday- to be thankful for what you have
- Don’t worry about perfection, it doesn’t exist any way!
- If you’re preparing food, prepare as much ahead of time as possible
- It’s ok to enlist help- don’t try to do it all alone
- It’s ok to ask people to bring stuff- if you’re cooking the main dish it’s ok to ask someone to bring a side dish or a dessert
- Have a glass of wine, not the whole bottle!
- Try to get in some activity, the endorphins will definitely help!
- Have something fun and stress free planned for the next day, maybe shopping on Black Friday isn’t your best bet!
- Make sure you make some time to enjoy the day and the company!
- Remember, it’s just one a day and there’s always next year!