Playing House Series: Your Place? His Place? Our Place?

        Welcome back for the second installment in my “Playing House Series”.  This series is all about moving in with a significant other.  My first post was all about making the big decision to move in with a significant other in the first place!  You can find that here.

    I am currently in the process of moving in with my fiancee Nick, so this series is really all about my take and my personal experience with these matters.  Actually, the day this post is published is the day of the BIG MOVE!

  Ok, enough with the introduction!  Let’s get on to to the topic of this post!  Ok, you guys made the massive, super adult decision to move in together and now it’s time to decide where!!

   This can be a very tricky decision to make if you don’t live super close or if one of you is particularly attached to your apartment/house.  It’s a discussion that has to be made calmly and with an open mind.  You can go into the conversation with a desired outcome, but if you are not willing to listen or to compromise, this can be quite difficult.  It’s very important to go into this discussion with an open mind.

   Now I cannot sit here and give you the pros and cons of your place versus his place because obviously I don’t know your situation!  This is a list for you to come up and be realistic about it! Sit down and look at your place from both your perspective and your significant other’s perspective and try to do the same for his place as well!  It’s always important to try to look at it from their perspective, which can be difficult!

    When Nick and I had the initial discussion about where we were going to live I made a list about all of the financial reasons why my apartment made the most sense, not even considering there is a lot more to this situation than finances.  Sometimes the living arrangement that makes the most financial sense, isn’t the correct answer.  His place was not an option, because he lives in New York City and parking is NOT fun over there and I need a car to get to work.  We ended up with option C: a spanking new place for the both of us!

Here are some things to consider when deciding where you should live together as a couple:

*Finances- Is one apartment, or a new apartment more fiscally responsible? That’s something to consider
*Distance- A central location for both of your jobs is definitely preferable.
*Size- Be realistic.  Minimalism may be trendy right now, but if you aren’t a minimalist don’t try to squeeze all of your stuff AND their stuff into a studio.
*Comfort- This is a BIG one! Are you truly comfortable at his place? Is he truly comfortable at your place?  We aren’t talking about spending a weekend here- we are talking about spending YEARS!  If one of you isn’t truly comfortable or feel as if you can’t truly be yourself, it’s time to look for an alternative solution.
*Future Goals- will getting a new apartment hinder a common future goal of yours?  Definitely something to keep in mind
*Time frame- how long do you plan on staying?  If the realistic plan is a short period of time it may not make sense to relocate both of you

Again, this is just my take on this and my personal experience. 
 Different strokes for different folks!! 

Playing House Series: Making The Decision

        Yay! My first official blog series!  The Playing House Series will be all about making the decision to move in with your significant other.  This series will cover all of the steps leading up to moving in together and the actual process of moving in together.
         This is just my personal take on this situation!  I am not a life coach or therapist or anything like that so this is just my personal advice and my personal experiences with this.  Just wanted to post that disclaimer!
       The first post in this series is all about the most important step and that’s making the decision to move in together!

Image from equityapartments.com
  • Why are you making the decision to move in together?                                                                   Is it because you are in a serious committed relationship and you’ve talked about the direction the relationship is going in?  You’re both on the same page? Excellent! If you are in a committed relationship and haven’t discussed future plans, I feel that’s an important step prior to moving in.  You want to make sure you have common goals for your relationship.
  • Is it just a financial decision?                                                                                                            Moving in together can be a great way to save some cash and lighten a financial burden.  However, if it’s the main reason why you are moving in with a significant other it can lead to some other, non-financial problems later on.  Don’t try to force a puzzle piece that doesn’t fit simply to save some cash.
  • Is moving in together going to help or hurt your relationship?                                                   I will be the first to admit that I am needy mofo.  I spent so much time alone as a child that I crave time with loved ones now (don’t get me wrong, I still need my me-time!).  However, there are plenty of people who love being in a relationship, but still need to retain some of their independence.  If moving in together will make you uncomfortable it will undoubtedly lead to some problems in the relationship department.  Make sure that any decision you make, whether living apart or together will benefit and not harm your relationship.
  • Don’t worry what others think                                                                                                           There is no timeline for a perfect relationship.  I don’t think rushing into anything is wise, but everyone’s definition of “rushing” is something different.  As long as you and your partner have thought and spoke things out, and you are making a decision based on love and common goals for the future, I say go for it!  

    How to Watch Football With Your “Insert Person Here”

         I am a football fanatic.  I was raised watching college football every Saturday and the NFL every Sunday.  Nowadays, my weekend plans are made around the time the Penn State game is on and my friends pretty much know that fall Saturdays means I am unavailable.
       Watching sports can be a great way to bond with someone or strike up a conversation.  Penn State games continue to be a way that I bond with my entire family, especially my parents.  I remember watching football games with my Grandpa and Dad when I was little and getting so excited when I was able to identify a player or make a call.  On top of that, if you’re with someone who spends their Sundays engulfed in fantasy football, it might make it a little less dreadful to know a little bit of what is going on.

       Here is my little crash course on football and HOW to watch football with someone!

    • Don’t root against your significant others team to be cutesy.  If you genuinely like the team, cheer your heart out, but if you could care less just cheer for your boo’s team.  As a female who gets super passionate about her teams, I can only imagine how crazy some guys can get.
    • Try to get to a game.  When you go to a game you can totally feel the amazing energy and perhaps get a better understanding of why your significant other is so passionate about it.
    The SUPER basics of football:

    • The team with the ball at the moment is called the offense, the team without the ball, trying to stop them, is the defense.
    • A touchdown, where someone runs into or catches the ball in the endzone (the part of the field with no numbers on it and the team’s name or logo) is worth 6 points.  The team is automatically given a a try to kick an extra point which makes it 7 points total.
    • A field goal, where someone kicks the ball through the uprights (the giant plastic U thing), is worth 3 points.
    • The goal of the offense is to get a first down, which is to gain 10 yards. (A football field is 100 yards)  The offense has 4 tries to get 10 yards.  However, most times you will only see a team try 3 times because if they do not get it on the 4th try they automatically give the ball to the defense.
    • If a team does not get a first down, they have to punt the ball to the other team.  A punt is a fancy word for a kick.
    • There could be a turnover.  A turnover can be an interception or a fumble.  An interception is when the quarterback (person who throws the ball) throws the ball and someone from the defense catches it.  A fumble is when someone on the offense who has the ball either drops it or has it taken from them by someone on the defense. 
    • There are 4 quarters in a game which are each 15 minutes and a half time which is also around 15 minutes.  However, NO game is ever just an hour and 15 minutes.  Between commercial breaks and penalties and timeouts expect to carve out a good 3 hours to watch a game.
    • Try to enjoy!  Even though you may went to yell at someone “IT’S JUST A GAME!!” when they get mad or upset while watching a game (and it totally is) some people are incredibly passionate about their sports and have spent years invested in a team.  Let them be upset after a tough loss for the remainder of the day.  If they are still being sore losers after that though, it’s time for some tough love!!
    Are you a football fan? 
    Who is your team? 
    Comment below and let me know!

      Match.com- Does It Work?

             I’ve heard ( and even met a few people) who were embarrassed  to admit that they had met their significant others on Match.com.  Well, I am here to say proudly that I met my fiancee on Match and I’m grateful for it, because otherwise I most likely would’ve never crossed paths with him!

           The way I met my fiancee on Match is not the norm.  I signed up after the urging of a co-worker to get off all of the free sites.  Nick was the first and only guy I met and it was an instant spark.  It sounds like a fairytale and don’t get me wrong, it totally was (and still is) but it wasn’t THAT easy.

           I had been on Match previously a few years before with zero luck.  The most successful date I had via Match that round (I was on it once previously as well) was with a guy who proceeded to tell me on our first date that he wanted to be dominated.  Not like whips and chains, but like treated like a “house boy” (his words, not mine) and given chores and demoralized.  UMMM BYE!

             In my mind using a dating website like Match (like real dating) is all about timing.  If you aren’t on the site or a member of the site at right moment you are going to meet the same weirdos that you would on a free dating site or in a bar.  However, there is a way to help navigate through some of it and this applies to all dating websites (not apps) not just Match.

      Picture from Reddit.com
      • Be honest with your pictures!                                                                                                            The point of a dating website is to actually meet someone in person right? Eventually they are going to find out that you are 5 years older or 15 pounds heavier, so be honest with your pictures.  You would be disappointed if you were talking to someone who you thought looked like a clean cut gentleman and showed up with a full beard and a ripped freebie t-shirt.
      •  Be honest with your description                                                                                                        If you’re not into sports, don’t say you are or you may be going to a sports bar for a first date.  Don’t say you spend your weekends doing charity work if you don’t.  Be honest here.  We all want to show our best selves, but theres a fine line between showcasing our best features and selves and being bullshitters.
      • Look outside your normal geographic area                                                                                     My fiancee lives in New York City and I live in the suburbs.  If I limited my search to my immediate area, I would have completely missed out!!!  Set your search limits a bit outside of your normal comfort zone.  However, don’t set your search too far if you aren’t willing to regularly travel some distance if you meet someone great.
      • It’s ok for a female to initiate conversation                                                                                      The notion that a female should wait for a male to initiate is kind of outdated in my mind.  I “winked” at my fiancee first on Match and that opened up the way for conversation.  If you aren’t confident enough to fire off a message right off the bat, try the wink option at first.
      • Start a conversation based on their profile/picture                                                                          If you are going to initiate a conversation, try to do so based on a question to do with their profile or a picture.  Ask about a trip they posted about or a quote.  It shows that you actually read their profile instead of just generically messaging them.
      • Set a time limit for chatting/texting                                                                                                     My friend Bernie had a great rule- if after a week of talking they haven’t set a date it’s time to go.  For some reason there seems to be this new breed of people who are content with just having someone to text.  If that’s not what you’re looking for, set a time limit for communicating with someone.  If there’s no solid plans to meet them within that time limit, it’s time for them to go.
      • Take it all with a grain of salt                                                                                                              Dating, whether online or “regular”, is just not normal nowadays.  There’s a lot of dishonest people out there and a lot of game players as well.  Chances are you will get “ghosted” on, chances are, you will see a profile of someone who you think is perfect and they won’t respond to your message and you may have to kiss a lot of frogs.  But try to remember, don’t settle for anything less than butterflies and what you deserve.